Hovel

The good, the bad, and the ugly. Good: I’ve gone through a lot of stuff, made several truckloads of stuff to the dump, given a lot of stuff away that I hope will be appreciated by others, and found some letters and mementos that made me smile. Bad: While pulling everything out in the open to sort, we were pummeled by rain and hail storms the last few days. Some books and things I value and have carried and sheltered for years got wet. I haven’t had the heart to find out to what extent. Also, I gave away some things that I regret; all my artist and architect materials. Gone. Ugly: Encountering images of myself in boxes and piles of papers. Me in broken relationships. Me in faltering careers. Me in a lost and lonely universe. Is it resolution I lack? I have a tendency to avoid unpleasant things. I turn my head and look for distractions instead of the gentle accommodation of inevitable change. As a result, the things I can’t face sit there in a box and wait. I resolve to resolve more. Just to take some time to say to myself, that part of my life is over. It’s okay. It’s okay.

The idea was to take a week to go through everything I own and get rid of as much stuff as possible. It’s taking longer that I thought.

Today was hard. It’s bad enough having to cleanup a space that has become the domain of semi-feral cats. Cat detritus. Cats fighting, fucking, and farting and leaving signs. They used some of my good coats as shredding posts. Then there is the smell. I thought I liked cats.

OK. Make a list. First on the list? Cleanup. When I bought this place, I dumped the accumulation of decades of stuff into it. This week I’m going through everything I own and toss.

A Change of Scenery, and Maybe Also a Soul It’s simple, really. Something had to give. I’ve just been laid off from Silicon Graphics. Again. That’s two layoffs too many from the same company, which feels like the universe whispering, Hey, maybe it’s time to go.**

The Whim That Stuck Well, I did it. I bought a house. In Quincy, California. It has a creaky entry, a roof that looks like it’s held together with good intentions, and a view that will inspire absolutely no one.